As I studied the matter of Akashic Records and how to access the information, I did some self-reflection. There are some feelings in me I have never recognized a valid reason for. A sense of guilt, with no explanation to why I carry it with me.
So, as I connected with Them, I asked.
They presented me information of a past life where I was a missionary who misused the trust of others to my own personal benefit. As my actions in this life were revealed to the public and I understood my wrong doings, I had carried a massive guilt over my actions. Guilt so strong it stained my energy into the end of that life and got carried with me forward to the following ones. As a trusted person, I had let down the people who needed me, and I could not shake the guilt from my energy, so it remained.
This was not at all what I expected, but it still made sense. Since my soul is the same through all these cycles of lives, I am quite convinced this kind of action could affect me with immense guilt to carry. And it would not be easily washed away.
They asked me, if I wanted to receive help from them in form of cleansing this energy and feeling. Of course, I did. They gave me an intense energetic healing and cleansing which I saw as colours and vibrations, I felt my body filling with gentle buzzing sensation, and I felt slight pressure move upwards from my belly area towards my heart- where it stopped.
I must say, I did notice a difference in my being afterwards. I had lost a touch of something heavy in my energy and I felt lighter. A guilt I did not recognize as mine had lost its edge, and I truly do not miss it.
I developed a larger curiosity towards working with these memories of my soul. As I connected with them again, I asked them if there is any information in the records that could relieve me from my fear of being loved.
And they replied: during one life, I was living my life like an open book. Full of love and acceptance towards others. Every being who wished to receive my love, I gave it to them. Fully trusting and believing in the good will of others. Sadly, this did not work for my benefit in this life. I was betrayed, used, and abused several times in this life. Until I was so hurt, I could not carry this anymore and I ran away from it all. I developed a shell around me. Fled from the community and towards the end of this cycle of life I became a hermit living completely alone due to the fear of being hurt once again. Until the end of this life. And this fear, it was stuck in my energy as was the guilt from another life.
Such a relief to find explanations to these feelings I have had. It gave me the sensations that I can work with these issues as I now have recognized them myself and have received information that does agree with my human mind that does want to understand and analyze. At this time, I received a healing cleansing too.
On the third time I did not actually ask for guidance about my souls’ memory, but They guided me towards it. They gently asked if I was interested in receiving information of a stagnation, I had yet not recognized myself. I did.
They carried me towards a life where I had been an aristocratic and powerful person, born to wealth and strong expectations of the society. In this life, I did not wish to fit in the role that was planned for me from birth. I did not accept the way I was supposed to be a formal figure to people and wished to help others instead. The weak, the poor, the oppressed. In this live, I broke against all society’s expectations towards me and had a powerful inner fire. I was mentally like a lion with a bonfire burning inside. I received the love of the people, but the hate of the aristocrat and I lived the life of a fighting lion until the end of this life. And the fire, the strong fight lived in me forward to following lives.
This one was a bit difficult for me. I do recognize the fire, the fighter and defender in me. But I felt it is a huge part of my personality. I really had to reflect on this matter: did I wish to give it up.
But then I analyzed my life. How much fight and energy I had poured to others for no good reason. The need to defend has even worked against me. I realized that this fire pushes me forward in so much good, but also in less beneficial ways. I came to the result, that I could live my life with less passion, less fire and less of the fighter in me. I could focus my energy more to specific issues instead of fighting where none of that energy is really needed.
I could be happier with settling to more balance and less to constant effort.
I did accept their help with this stagnation too. Still remains to be seen how it affects my life. This cleansing healing, I felt strongly in my forehead (my third eye) and on the top of my head (my crown).
I am filled with enthusiasm while I am eager to see, if this work with my own soul’s memory carries me forward to a lighter and clearer path.
Thank you for reading and being a part of my personal experience with my own Akashic Records.